hootaloo:

bowrll:

mortisreptus:

fireskink:

alltailnolegs:

mcsprankles:

idcsam:

shadow-pop:

whatisagorman:

snakelet:

this is 911 state your emergency


YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD


911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN


YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS


911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER


MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.


YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ


TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING

911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.


yes 911 hello all these people are crazy

hootaloo:

bowrll:

mortisreptus:

fireskink:

alltailnolegs:

mcsprankles:

idcsam:

shadow-pop:

whatisagorman:

snakelet:

this is 911 state your emergency

image

YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD

image

911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN

image

YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS

image

911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER

image

MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.

image

YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ

image

TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING

image
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.

image

yes 911 hello all these people are crazy

2073:

money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference

went to get a glass of wine and realized I had no corkscrew.  So I googled ways to open a bottle without one and like 10 minutes into trying the “stick a knife into the cork, turn it and pull it out” method (which is not as successful as the internet would have you believe) I remembered that mom has like 8 billion pocket knives with corkscrews so I went and knicked one from her room.  yay boy scouts and their constant preparedness!!!

I knew this was going to be a bad idea when I made these plans but I still went and now I feel fucking miserable but I have a bottle of wine in the fridge now (because I forgot to pick some up on my way home from work because I’m dumb) and I’m supposed to go hang out with someone else but I kinda really don’t want to.  Like i really just want to stay home but I guess I’ll go hang out for a bit and then come home and get stupidly drunk and go to sleep and try and pretend I don’t have emotions anymore.